FORD PERFECT
'This is a great Ford ' said the Salesman , It runs so smooth you cannot feel it. It runs so quietly you cannot hear it . It runs so perfectly you cannot smell it. . And so Damn fast you cannot see it. Alfred thought for a second and asked the Ford salesman. . How do I know it is there?
FORD PAYMENTS
Getting behind with the Ford repayments, John received a phone call from the finance carpet, In an attempt to shame the car owner into catching up with the payments the finance company asked "what do you think your neighbors would think if we re-possessed the Ford? - John answered back. I had a talk to my neighbors and they all think it would be a 'lousy trick'..
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SHUT UP !
A traffic patrol cop catches a Ford travelling at 85 mph in a 70 mph limit. Putting on his lights and siren he follows the car and makes it pull over. He gets out of the patrol car and approaches the driver of the other.
"Excuse me, sir", starts the officer, "are you aware you have been travelling at 85 mph and the speed limit is only 70?"
"I'm sorry, officer, you must be mistaken, I never break the speed limit".
"Oh, come on, Henry," says the other occupant in the car, Henry's wife, "you know you always go at least 80 mph on this road if you think you can get away with it!"
"will you shut up!!" shouts an annoyed Henry.
"Also sir, I notice your right hand rear tail light isn't working. I'm going to have to book you for that as well"
"Not working?" demands Henry "well, it certainly was this morning. It must have just blown just now."
"Now then Henry, you know that's not true", chips in the wife, ":I've been nagging you to get that fixed since last week".
"Damn it, you stupid woman, will you keep your mouth shut!"
"Sir, there's something else I have to report you for. You were not wearing your seat belt, which of course is a further offence".
"Of course I was", says Henry. "I just took it off when I stopped the car".
"Now then, Henry", chimes in the wife yet again. "You know how you always forget to buckle up. How many times have I told you?"
"For God's sake you silly bitch , will you shut the hell up!" Henry by now is very angry.
The officer turns to Henry's wife. "Tell me madam, does your husband always speak to you like this?"
"Yes, he's always the same after he's had a few drinks....."
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HENRY FORD ENTERING HEAVEN
At the gates of Heaven, the angel tells Henry Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention, the car, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven."
Henry Ford thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang with Adam, the first man." So, the angel points Adam out to Ford.
When Ford gets to Adam, Ford asks, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of the woman?"
Adam says, "Yes."
"Well, says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much front end protrusion.
2. It chatters at high speeds.
3. The rear end wobbles too much.
4. And the intake is placed too close to the exhaust."
"Hmmm...", says Adam, "Hold on." So Adam goes to the celestial supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. The computer prints out a slip of paper and Adam reads it.
Adam says "It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to the stellar computer, more men are riding my invention than yours."
